“Hi, my name is [your name goes here], and I’m an oil addict.”


“Hmm. What makes you say so?”


“I was diagnosed by TV and newspaper pundits.”


“Are you sure? They’re not necessarily experts.”


“Now that I think about it, the examination was cursory.”


“Perhaps the diagnosis was in error. Let me ask you some questions. Do you have an uncontrollable, compulsive craving for oil? Will you pay any price to get it?”


“Are you serious? It’s like anything else — the more it costs, the less I try to use. But you know, doc, I’m not dumb; why wouldn’t I use the most cost-effective energy source available to me, especially if I have ready access in a form most suited to what I want to accomplish with it?”


“Well, that doesn’t sound like an addiction to me. Did the pundits suggest getting your energy somewhere else?”


“Like where? My only compulsions are to invent things, build things, and care for and protect my family. I mean, so many of the worthwhile things I do require energy. If you can tell me where to find another source with the same abundance, flexibility, energy density and highly developed infrastructure, at a lower cost, I would be all over it. That would just be common sense.”


“I see. So you believe your only compulsion is building a better life?”


“That’s right. But here’s a news flash — it takes energy, and lots of it. Look, doc, what are we without energy? I’ll give you a clue. Does ‘Stone Age’ mean anything?”


“Let me see if I understand you correctly. You say you don’t have an uncontrollable, compulsive craving for oil to satisfy some personal urge in a harmful or nonproductive way?”


“Correct, unless you consider a personal urge for transportation, shelter, food, clothing, medicine and the other necessities of 21st century life harmful and nonproductive. I’ll take the best energy deal I can get to satisfy that urge. So, you tell me — how does completely rational decision-making about energy sources make me an oil addict?”


“I have good news — it doesn’t.”


“So why the wrong diagnosis?”


“I suspect it’s a matter of salesmanship. Think about it — whenever someone you don’t know suggests a deficiency in, say, your car or your golf clubs, what are they really trying to do? Usually they’re trying to sell you a new car or a new golf club. Perhaps you were being sold something. The diagnosis may have suited their purpose.”


“I guess that means I’m not an addict after all.”


“My analysis is that you are addicted only to reason. It’s obvious — why wouldn’t you choose oil as the best energy source for your needs? Remember the qualities of oil you mentioned a few minutes ago? What other energy source can match or exceed oil in all those qualities?”


“At this point in history, the answer is none. Gee, doc, you’re making me feel better already.”


“You’ll be fine. Drill two of these and call me in the morning.”